


Broken

by romanticalgirl



Series: Separated Trilogy [2]
Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: Child Death, F/M, Newborn Children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-14
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 07:32:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl





	Broken

Pacey set the phone down and sighed deeply. “You okay, Pacey?”

He looked up and tried to smile at the woman behind the desk. “Yeah. Just my…my brother.”

“Is everything okay? You look a little shaken.”

“A small family thing.” He glanced over at the principal’s office before looking back at her secretary. “Is she in?”

“Yeah. I’ll page her.” She picked up the inter-office phone. “Go on in.”

He pushed open her office door and peeked in. “Hey, Margo.”

“Pacey.”

“You have a minute?”

“Sure.”

He walked in and sat opposite her. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he buried his head in his hands. “I…”

“Joey?”

“Joey.” He rubbed his eyes. “My brother just called. Apparently she’s due any day now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right.” He leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “I mean, it’s not as though I didn’t know this was coming. I can add as well as the next guy.”

“That would be more comforting if the next guy weren’t the 12 year old in your class.”

He managed a laugh. “Right.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Do?” He got up, his anxiety keeping him restless. “There’s nothing I can do. We’re divorced. She’s having Dawson’s baby.”

“You still love her.” She picked up a file off her desk and tossed it toward him. He grabbed it and let it fall open. “I need to know you’re going to be okay, Pacey.”

He closed his eyes and nodded. “I’m fine.”

“Your kids love you. You make school fun for them. But I have to do what’s best for them. If you lose it this time…”

“I won’t.” He closed the folder and looked over at the principal. “Margo…”

“Look Pacey, there’s only a week left. Hold it together and this…” She took the folder from him, “Disappears.”

He inhaled, holding his breath for a long moment. Letting it out slowly, he nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

“I hope so, Pacey. I’d hate to lose one of the best teachers I have.”

“You won’t.” He sank down into the chair once more. “Fuck.”

She laughed softly. “Go back to class, Pacey.”

He touched the folder on her desk. “Thank you, Margo.”

She watched him walk out and opened the folder. The top paper was an official reprimand, citing Pacey for conduct unbecoming.

He’d come to work still too drunk to be hung over. She’d managed to catch him in the office before school started and sent in a substitute. Bringing him into her office, she’d sat him down and spent the morning listening to his stoic description of his weekend.

As difficult as it had been, she’d written the reprimand while he talked, placing it in front of him when he’d finished his story. “I’m sorry, Pacey. I know you’re going through something incredibly painful, but these children are my responsibility. Take the day off, sober up and your job will be here tomorrow. If you can’t do that, well, don’t bother coming back.

He’d signed the statement without comment and walked out of her office and the school.

She hadn’t expected to see him again, but he was there the next day and he hadn’t let her down since.

She sighed and set the folder back in her desk. Hopefully, he wouldn’t let her down now.

 

~**~  
“Misder Widder?”

Pacey looked up from the papers on his desk and smiled. “Yes, Alicia?”

“I jud wanded you to dow that I’m gonna miss you next year.”

His smile widened. “I’ll miss you guys too.”

“And I…I hope…”

He turned so that he was facing her; his smile replaced with concern. “Yes?”

“I just hope that you stop being so sad.” She hurried from the room, leaving Pacey staring after her.

Turning back to his desk, he opened the drawer and pulled out the picture of Joey. If he closed his eyes, he could picture her – her stomach swollen, hidden under some too-big sweater. He tossed the picture back in the drawer and slammed it shut.

He only wished he could get rid of the picture in his mind so easily.

Gathering the papers together, he put them in his briefcase before snapping it shut. He made his way out of the school, waving to faculty and students alike. He’d been careful, after his talk with Margo six months ago to keep his social life – or at least the ashes of it – out of his school life.

But as soon as he was safely in his car, he let the mask fall and thought about Doug’s phone call. Joey and Dawson were back in Capeside, both of them wanting to be near their families when she had the baby. Wanting to be at home.

Home. Pacey laughed bitterly as he parked outside the apartment and just stared at it. She used to be home for him. He hadn’t had a drink since the day she’d left him, but the urge to do so now was almost overwhelming.

He slammed the door behind him, locking it only out of reflex. His eyes didn’t even stray to the bedroom door as he walked into the kitchen.

Joey had walked out fully dressed, her bag slung over her shoulder. She hadn’t looked at him as she went to the door, hadn’t glanced at him as she unlocked it.

He’d grabbed the wedding picture from the mantel and thrown it against the opposite wall. The glass shattered and she jumped, her hand falling from the doorknob.

“Did you get everything you needed?” He hadn’t recognized his own voice as he spoke. “Get everything you came for?”

“Pacey…”

“Shut the fuck up, Josephine.” He’d walked over to the bedroom door and slammed it shut. He stared at the wood and clenched his fist, the diamond of her engagement ring cutting into the flesh of his palm. “We’re divorced, it’s over. You’re all his.”

“You have to know…”

“You’re having his baby, Joey. *That’s* all I need to know. And all you need to know is where the door is.”

It had shut behind her as quietly as he’d shut the door behind him. He’d opened his fist and stared unseeing at his bloody hand.

The door had remained shut since then, the bed empty. He’d put on the clothes he’d worn on Friday, gone shopping for a new wardrobe, bought as much alcohol as he could carry and locked himself up for the next 15 hours, staring at the door he’d locked the memories of her behind.

Grabbing a soda from the refrigerator, Pacey walked to the sliding glass door and opened it. The cool breeze did nothing for his heated skin or the anger that seemed to overtake him whenever he was in the apartment now.

He took a drink and closed his eyes, the image of her pregnant rushing back to him.

He’d dreamed about her pregnant, dreamed about making her pregnant. It was the one thing he’d always wanted to share with her, the final step toward perfection. And instead, she’d taken that step with Dawson.

He looked down at his hand and traced the small scar with his finger. Setting the soda down on the railing, he pulled his necklace from beneath his shirt. The simple silver chain was cool against his fingers, but the plain gold band that dangled from it seemed to burn his skin.

It had been six months since he’d seen her; a year since she’d left him. And within the next few weeks, she’d be having Dawson’s child.

Grabbing the soda, he finished it quickly before walking back into the apartment. His lease was up soon and he would move, leaving everything behind.

Leaving Joey behind.

He lay down on the futon and covered his eyes with his hand, wishing it was all that simple.

**

“You are a fucked up mess, little brother.”

“That’s all your age and wisdom have to tell me?”

“Yeah.” Doug took the beer Pacey offered him. “Thought you quit.”

Pacey held up his soda. “Did. But there’s no sense in you suffering, huh?”

“True. So, what’s the plan?”

“Well, I rented a truck. Most of my stuff is packed.”

“Except for the bedroom.”

Pacey tensed, rubbing his forehead as he tried to relax. “I can’t help you there.”

“Pacey, I know what she means to you, but you’ve got to…”

“I can’t go in there. She…” He cursed quietly.

“Little brother? If you don’t go in there, she’s going to have a hold on you forever.”

“She already does.”

Doug walked to the door and opened it. He heard Pacey’s quickly indrawn breath and sighed, pushing it open all the way. “Wouldn’t you rather remember her for the right reasons?”

“Something tells me those sweet romantic moments are always going to be overshadowed by her sleeping with my best friend.”

Doug looked back at his brother then surveyed the bedroom. It had the stale smell of old sex and sweat. “Is there anything you want to keep from in here?”

“No.”

“Clothes?”

“Fuck,” Pacey breathed. He should have known better than to ask Doug for help. He walked over to the bedroom and stood in the doorway. His gaze locked on the bed, images of her – of loving her – hitting him like fists.

Doug turned and looked at his brother as Pacey made a small sound. “You okay?”

He took a step forward, unable to stop walking now that he’d started. Her sketchpad lay on the bed; open to the picture she’d drawn of him.

He picked it up, his hand shaking. His finger brushed across her signature, the harsh bark of laughter filling the room.

Josephine Witter.

Doug walked up behind him, placing one hand on Pacey’s shoulder and taking the pad from him with the other. “Go sit down, Pacey.”

“You know what kills me, Doug?” His voice was thick with tears he refused to shed. “I was okay until that weekend. I mean, I wasn’t happy with the decision, but…but I was dealing with it.”

“Pacey,” Doug turned his brother around and guided him to the futon, forcing him to sit down. “I’ll take care of the bedroom.”

“Burn the sheets.”

“You’re being childish.”

“Doug,” Pacey’s blue eyes were like ice. “Humor me.” Doug headed for the bedroom, grabbing boxes as he went. “And Doug?”

“Yeah, Pace?”

“There’s a tie.” His voice caught. “Blue, probably wrinkled. Burn that too. I’ll start loading up the truck.”

Doug kept walking, unwilling to look at his brother, unable to watch the pain in his eyes.

 

~**~  
Pacey looked around his new apartment, breathing easily for the first time since she’d left. Doug let out a long sigh and sank onto the futon. “You had to get a third floor apartment?”

“You’re still young. Quit your bitching.” Pacey carried the cooler to the refrigerator and loaded the drinks into it. “Beer?”

“Depends.”

Pacey glanced up warily. “On what?”

“Who’s driving home.” Doug got up and walked over to his brother. “School’s out. You’re still coming home, right?”

“No.”

“You’d planned on spending the summer in Capeside, Pacey.”

“Plans change.”

Doug sighed and grabbed the soda from his brother’s hand. “I’m going back to the old apartment to wait for the buyer.”

“I can’t, Doug. I’m sorry.”

“So am I, Pacey. So am I.”

 

~**~  
Sinking into his new chair, Pacey forced himself to relax. Doug was gone, he was unpacked, his new furniture was in place and the money from the sale of his old bedroom set was deposited in the bank.

No loose ends to hang himself with.

He stood up and headed for the bathroom, stripping his sweaty T-shirt off as he went. Standing in front of the mirror, he stared at his reflection. He looked tired. He looked worn out. He looked…

He reached up and touched the ring on his necklace. One last loose end. He unfastened the chain and let the ring fall into his hand. He closed his fist around it, holding it over the toilet. The vows were as shattered as the glass he’d thrown against the wall, the day they’d wed as scratched and torn as the wedding photo. The ring was an empty symbol. She hadn’t put much faith in it.

Why should he?

He opened his hand; turning it slightly so that the ring could slip off and he could be rid of his last reminder of her. The last thing that tied them, however loosely, together. He tilted his hand further and closed his eyes, letting it move over the smooth skin of his palm. He shuddered as it reached the edge and started falling, his eyes snapping open as he caught it before it could reach the water.

His head hurt. His heart hurt.

He slipped the ring on the chain once more and put it back on, refusing to meet his own eyes as he did so.

His head hurt. His heart hurt. But only because he still loved her.

**

The light from the refrigerator seemed to fill the small apartment. Pacey ran one finger down the neck of the beer bottle, struggling to listen to his conscience. It would be far too easy to give in to temptation and not be able to find his way back out.

With a sigh, he grabbed the bottle and twisted the lid off. He carried it to the futon and sat down, leaning back. Laughing softly, he looked over at his new bed. The bed he seemed to be completely unable to fall asleep in.

The beer was cold and soothing, easing the tension between his shoulder blades. He put his feet up on the coffee table, moving them immediately when he heard the soft rustle of paper.

He grabbed her sketchpad off the table, reminding himself to kill his brother when he saw him next. Leafing through the pictures, he took a long swallow of his beer. He turned to the last picture and stared at it for a long time, trying to remember what it felt like to be that relaxed, that happy.

Turning back a page, he bit the inside of his lip and stared at the soft pencil lines in the moonlight. His eyes moved over the form, searching out the small head that rested on the man’s shoulder, the slightly pudgy, smooth flesh of the baby’s back that the man’s hand held so delicately. He could see the emotion in the picture, felt exactly what she intended to evoke. Knew he was staring at the closest he’d ever come to having a child with Joey.

Throwing the pad to the other side of the futon, he set the beer on the table. He was being stupid. He was torturing himself. He needed to forget about Joey and his non-existent marriage and go out and have some fun. He needed to live it up, be single.

Walking into the bedroom, he grabbed his duffel bag and stuffed clothes into it, knowing all the while that he was making the biggest mistake of his life.

Grabbing the sketchpad on his way to the door, he laughed sadly, and thought back to the night she’d left him.

Well, maybe the second biggest.

 

~**~  
Even in the dim light of early morning, Capeside looked the same. It never changed, no matter how many people came or went. Never lost that quaint charm, never seemed anything other than a quiet, semi-sleepy tourist town.

But the people changed. At least, he had.

He pulled over to the side of the road and stared out at the creek. He knew without looking, without even a quick glance around, exactly how far he was from Dawson’s house, exactly how much further it was to Joey’s.

Getting out of his car, he walked down to the water and stared at it as the sun came up, its golden and orange rays dancing on the ripples caused by the wind. He was an idiot. He needed to be anywhere but here. Being here was only asking for trouble and heartache. He didn’t need anymore of either.

The quiet sound of a motor caught his attention and he turned back to the highway. A police cruiser had pulled up behind his car, and he couldn’t help but smile as his brother climbed out. “Well, well. Why am I not surprised that it would be you disobeying the ‘no parking on shoulder’ signs?”

“You’re doing it too.”

“I’m a cop. I’m allowed to do things you’re not.” He sat on the hood of his car. “I’d ask what you’re doing here, but I knew you’d come.”

“Did you? I didn’t. I don’t know why I’m here, so if you do, maybe you could fill me in?” Pacey walked back up to his car and leaned against it, still watching the water. “I’m being stupid, right? That’s why I’m here?”

“You want some resolution, would be my guess. Come on, little brother, how it ended? You had a wonderful weekend that ended with a bombshell. And you haven’t seen her since, right?”

“No, that’s not quite true.”

Doug raised his eyebrows. “I thought you hadn’t seen her?”

“I haven’t. Not on purpose. I was…I was on a field trip with some of the kids. We were talking about art and they wanted to see a gallery. Well, we like to get permission to bring a group of sixth graders in to something like that, so we couldn’t. Except one of the other teachers had this brilliant idea of taking five kids in at a time.”

“To her gallery.”

“I didn’t choose it, believe me. In fact, I didn’t go in. I volunteered to stay outside with the rest of the kids. Which is what I did.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I wasn’t even paying attention to the gallery, because I knew if I started, I’d start looking for her. And then I heard her voice.”

He didn’t notice Doug’s nod as he opened his eyes, didn’t notice anything but the memory.

“And there she was, laughing like her life was perfect. No pain, no guilt, no…nothing. She was climbing out of a cab, holding onto Dawson’s arm, and laughing with him, her eyes locked on him. I thought I was going to die. I mean, I didn’t know how much more I was supposed to take, you know? I thought there was some sort of limit on how much shit one guy had to handle.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing. I stood there with the kids and I started to look away.”

“Started to?”

“Until she turned around and I could see…she’d started showing. Just enough that there was a soft curve to her stomach, you know? One that maybe only I…only Dawson and I could see. Only a lover would notice.”

Doug moved to his brother’s side and put his arm around him. “I’m sorry.”

Pacey shrugged away the comfort. “No. It’s good that I remember stuff like that. That’s the stuff I have to remember if I plan on spending any time here in good old Capeside.”

“Well, at least you have an excuse for being here.”

“I do?”

“Sure thing.” Doug headed back to the police car and climbed in, sticking his head out the window. “Your ten year high school reunion, little brother.” He nearly laughed at the look of fear on Pacey’s face, but managed to hold it in. “Now get your car back on the road before I give you a ticket.”

“You’re such a closet case.”

“I’m pretty sure Andie would disagree with that statement.”

“Yeah, well we don’t even want to talk about you being married to my ex-girlfriend.” Pacey pretended to shudder. “I told you at the wedding that there was something strange about that.”

“Our family thrives on strange,” Doug reminded him. “You staying with us or the folks?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t call ahead.”

“I’ll call Andie.”

“Thanks, Deputy Doug.”

“That’s Sheriff Doug now.” Pacey grinned and got in his car. “Oh, and Pacey?”

“Yeah?”

“I’d stay away from the Leery homestead. I hear pregnant women get cranky.”

Pacey felt a strange sense of relief that she hadn’t had the baby yet. “Thanks Doug. I’ll see you tonight.”

 

~**~  
Andie pulled the door open before Pacey could knock, catching him in a huge hug. “Pacey!”

“Hey, Andie.” He disengaged himself and took her hands, stepping back to look at her. “How the hell did this happen?”

She blushed and pulled him toward the house. “I’m pretty sure you know.”

“But with *Doug*? I just don’t see how you managed it, McPhee.”

“It’s McPhee-Witter now, and this disturbing insistence that your brother is gay, despite all the evidence to the contrary is slightly worrying, Pacey. Is there something about yourself that you’re denying?”

“Nice re-direct, counselor.” He dropped his bag and hugged her again. “Congratulations.”

She stepped away and patted her stomach. “We were a little nervous about telling you.”

“Why? Is it Dawson’s?” He grinned at Andie’s look of horror. “I’m kidding, Andie. Really.”

“I guess I shouldn’t find it hard to believe you’d joke about it. That always was your way of dealing with things.” She took his hand. “Get your stuff and we’ll get you settled.”

“I appreciate the roof.” He grabbed his bag and followed her up the stairs. “If I’m putting you out at all, let me know and I’ll head over to the Witter insane asylum.”

“You’re more than welcome. Well, except for tonight.”

“Thanks, I…what?”

Andie turned to face him, wringing her hands nervously. “Well, it’s just that…there’s…and I just don’t think…and I didn’t know…otherwise…never…You hate me, don’t you?”

He looked at her for a long minute, trying to decipher her nervous babble. “Ah. The Leerys are coming over for dinner.” He said the words carefully, his tone light.

“If I had known, Pacey, I swear I wouldn’t have invited them, but I didn’t know and so I…”

“It’s all right, Andie. Just because Jo…Joey and I aren’t together anymore, I certainly don’t expect you to stop being friends with her…or him. Really.” He hugged her again then headed into the guest bedroom. “It’s all right.”

“So you’ll go away?”

He smiled at her; his blue eyes alight with malice. “No.”

**

Pacey stood at the top of the stairs, clutching the banister so tightly he thought he might break it. The doorbell had rung just a moment ago, and he could hear Andie as she opened the door. He took a deep breath and held it, listening for the sound of her voice.

“Hey Andie.”

Dawson. His hand tightened further, his free one curling into a fist. The urge to rush down those stairs and shove his fist so far into his childhood friend’s face was overwhelming him, and he actually took a step down.

“Andie! You look wonderful!”

Oh. God. Pacey sank down onto the stairs, knowing he wasn’t going anywhere. He was trembling, shaking from the simple sound of her.

“Yeah, Doug made sure the baby came with the guaranteed pregnant glow. But look at you! You’re…well, huge!”

Joey laughed and walked further into the living room, coming in full view of the stairs. Pacey stared at her; unable to look away from the picture she presented. Her dark hair was caught in a loose bun at the base of her neck, a few loose wisps curling around her face. Her cheeks were pink from the cool night air. He wished he could see her eyes, but knew that it would kill him to see the happiness he was sure was in their soft, hazel depths.

She turned sideways and he clenched his teeth together to keep from making a sound. Her stomach was swollen, just as he pictured it, her hand resting lightly on top of it. She was bigger than he’d expected and he briefly wondered if she knew what she was having. She turned even more, answering a question from Doug that he hadn’t heard, and it was all he could do to keep from saying her name.

She was wearing his sweater.

She’d stolen it from him soon after he’d bought it, stretching it out by curling up next to him and hiding her legs under it. It fit easily over her distended stomach, covering…

Pacey lurched to his feet, rushing to the bathroom. He shut the door quietly, despite his haste and knelt over the toilet, unable to control the heaves that overtook him. He shook violently, retching as he pressed his forehead to the cool porcelain.

“You okay?”

He turned his head and gazed at his brother through barely-open eyes. “No.”

Doug walked in to the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub. He reached out and rubbed Pacey’s back. “You’re going to be okay, you know.”

“She was my life, Doug. She was everything to me. I would have given up anything she asked. And…and instead of loving me, she’s with him…having his baby.”

“You knew all that, Pacey.”

“Keeping his bastard child warm in my sweater.” He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead back against the porcelain. “I wish I could fucking hate her.”

“But you can’t.” Doug nodded and moved to the sink, washing his hands. “Why don’t you go and lie down. They’ll only be here for a few hours. After that, you and I will go out to one of the bars and get completely wasted. Drink ourselves stupid and walk home through the streets of Capeside, raising a little hell.”

“I don’t need to drink to be stupid.” Pacey forced himself to his feet and flushed the toilet. “I was stupid the day I fell in love with her.”

“You had five great years of marriage and even more years of dating. It was worth it, Pacey.”

“Nothing is worth this.” He met his brother’s eyes in the mirror. “I would have been better off if she’d stuck by her original refusal and left me the hell alone.”

“Nah. Then you’d have done something stupid like married Andie. And then you’d be all broken up, since she’d really be in love with me.”

Pacey managed a weak laugh. “No offense, Doug. But Andie cheating on me with you couldn’t possibly hurt like this. I never liked you as much as I liked Dawson.”

Doug ruffled his brother’s hair, despite the fact that they were both far too old for the brotherly gesture. “Go lie down, Pace. It’ll be over soon enough.”

 

~**~  
Andie’s eyes met Doug’s as he came down the stairs, her concern plain in her eyes. He shrugged and she sighed, wishing that Pacey had listened to her. However, as good as she was in the courtroom, she knew she’d never be able to convince a Witter to do something he didn’t want to do.

“Are you all right, Doug?”

He looked over at Joey, surprised from his reverie. “Yeah. I’m sorry. There was a case I was working on. I promise Andie not to bring it home with me, but I don’t always manage to keep it at the office. Although, she’s just as guilty as I am, sometimes.”

Andie caught the look Joey gave her and nodded. “Dawson? Could I get some help in the kitchen? I’d ask Doug, but he’s helpless in there.” She rubbed her stomach. “The roast is a little heavy, and my doctor’s concerned about me lifting things.”

Dawson got off of the couch. “Of course, Andie.” He followed her out of the room, kissing Joey on the top of the head as he went. Doug repressed the urge to hit him for Pacey’s sake, knowing his brother’s appreciation would be overshadowed by his wife’s wrath.

He turned to Joey and met her eyes. “You wanted to ask me something?”

Her shoulder’s slumped and she looked down at her hands. “Have…have you seen him?”

“Yeah.”

She looked up, her gaze hungry. “How is he?”

“How do you think he is, Joey?” He looked away, not willing to see her tears. He didn’t want to feel sympathy for her. He wanted to hate her for everything she’d put Pacey through. “You destroyed him. He’s picking up the pieces as best he can.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

Doug laughed softly, the chuckle almost alive with animosity. “Really? Well, it’s a good thing, because if you had, I don’t know that there’d be enough of Pacey left to put back together.” He leaned forward, getting in her face. “All he ever wanted was to love you and have a family with you. And in return, you left him and started one with the man he thought was his best friend. How do you think he fucking feels right now, Joey?”

Tears spilled down her cheeks and she pulled away from his anger. “When I left…I didn’t mean for anything to happen. I was hurting just as much as he was…I’ve just never been as strong as he is.”

“And Dawson was ready, willing and able, huh? And the nine years of meticulous birth control just flew out the window the night you fucked Dawson, Joey? Was that the case?”

“Don’t attack me for him.” Joey got off the couch and walked over to the living room window. She stared out at the water, her arms folded across her chest. Doug followed her. She felt him behind her and turned around. “I can’t change what happened. It’s done and over.”

“Why did you go there that weekend, Joey? That’s my question and the one Pacey could never give me an answer to. I can understand everything else. I can understand needing comfort and needing someone to love you. I can understand being confused and scared and desperate. But what I can’t understand is why you deliberately went to Pacey and ripped his heart out of his chest.”

“I needed to see him.”

“Okay, you needed to see him. Fine. I get that. Why did you need to make him fall in love with you again? Why did you have to sleep with him, get his hopes up, make him think that at the end of the weekend you were going to toss those divorce papers in the fire?”

“Because I’m weak,” she reminded him. “It had been so long since I’d been loved the way he loved me. He offered me something I wanted and needed so badly, and I wasn’t strong enough to refuse.”

“So you counted on him to be the strong one?”

She nodded and walked toward the kitchen, effectively ending their conversation. “He always was.”

**

Dawson boosted himself up onto the counter and looked over at Andie. “I wanted to thank you for inviting us over. I know it must feel a little like dividing your loyalties.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Dawson. You and Joey are my friends.”

“And Pacey’s your ex-boyfriend. Not to mention your brother-in-law. And I can’t imagine I’m even on his Christmas card list anymore. His hit list, maybe.”

Andie laughed. “Well, that’s probably true.”

Dawson stared down at the floor. “How is he?”

“What?”

“I imagine that you’ve talked to him, heard from him. We…we’ve lost contact, for obvious reasons. I was just wondering how he was.”

Andie’s laughter was strained this time. “You have to forgive me for laughing here, Dawson, but why do you care?”

“He was my best friend my whole life.”

“And you slept with his wife. I think he’s got a right to not want to talk to you.”

Dawson ran his hands over his thighs nervously. “Yeah.”

“Dawson, I think that you’re going to have to shed your rose colored glasses this time. I think you’re going to have to face up to the truth of the situation and realize that Pacey isn’t going to come around this time. This isn’t forgetting his 16th birthday or accusing him of stealing a test. This was about taking the vows that he and Joey made and throwing them away for your own selfish purposes. This was about taking the most important person in Pacey’s life away from him.”

“He threw her away. He let her down.” Dawson’s voice was insistent and firm. “He let her down that night and she came to me. He never called; he never came to see her. He didn’t fight for her, Andie. You know how Pacey is, he changes his mind, he gives up. He doesn’t stick with things when they’re hard or tough. He walked away from you instead of working through what happened that summer. He…”

“Shut up.” Andie’s gaze locked on his and her mouth was set in a tight line. “Before you say something *I* won’t be able to forgive you for.”

“Andie…”

“Don’t. Dawson, you can justify this to yourself as much as you want, as much as you need. But you’re the one who did the wrong thing this time. You’re the one who made the mistake. True, you weren’t the only one, but if you think this was Pacey’s fault…that he somehow made you sleep with Joey, made you…” She broke off and shook her head. “Excuse me.”

Andie ran into Joey on her way out of the kitchen, whispering an apology as she rushed away. Doug gave Dawson an angry glare before following his wife. Joey looked over at Dawson and sighed, sinking into one of the dining room chairs. “What did you say?”

“Nothing.”

“Right. Andie just rushed out of her own kitchen crying because you were being so charming.”

“We were talking about Pacey.” Dawson’s jaw clenched as she flinched at his name. “It’s funny how everyone seems to see his side of it.”

“Tell me, Dawson, when you found out about your Mom’s affair, who’s side were you on?”

“Mitch’s.”

“Right. Well, Pacey’s walking in Mitch’s shoes right now.” Joey picked up a spoon and stared at her upside-down reflection. “Besides, I think his brother and sister-in-law are the wrong audience to try and find sympathy.”

“I wasn’t looking for sympathy.” Dawson sat down opposite her. “I’m just tired of being the bad guy in this drama.”

“You’re not the bad guy, Dawson.” Joey stood up and walked over to him, resting her hands on his shoulders. “I am.”

 

~**~  
Doug caught up with Andie at the front door. He pulled her to him and held her close. “Andie?”

“I’m sorry.” She sniffed back tears and leaned against him. “I tried to prepare myself for this. I mean, I know Dawson. I know what he’s like, I know that he never takes responsibility for things. But I guess I had hoped that he’d be adult about this. I mean, I know he hasn’t seen Pacey, hasn’t seen what this has done to him, but I thought…”

“It’s all right, sweetheart.” He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her ear. “It’s going to be okay. Pacey would probably kick our asses for trying to defend him here, so I think we should just declare my little brother off limits as far as topics go, for our own sake as well as the roast’s. We’d planned on having a nice dinner with them before Pacey made his surprise appearance. We can still do that. Just pretend that you can’t hear his moans of despair.”

“Your brother doesn’t moan.”

“Okay, let’s pretend that I *never* heard you say that.” Doug turned her face slightly and kissed her softly. “You’re an amazing woman, Andie Witter. But if you ever remind me that you spent the night with my brother, I don’t want to think about the therapy I’m going to have to go through.”

She giggled and kissed him back, relaxing in the normalcy of his touch. “Right. No mention of it from me.” She pretended to zip her lips and stepped out of his warm embrace. “And definitely no comparisons.”

“Andrea…”

She went up on tiptoe and kissed him again. “Because I’d hate to see you gloat.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and led her back toward the kitchen. “I knew I was the better man.”

“For a homosexual.”

“Andie!”

 

~**~  
Dawson and Joey looked up as Andie and Doug walked back into the room. Dawson stood up and took a tentative step toward them. “I’m sorry, Andie.”

She shook her head. “Don’t. Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen. At least for tonight, okay? Because if you guys don’t eat a lot of this, Doug and I are going to be eating leftovers until the baby’s born.”

Dawson smiled his thanks. “Selective memory it is. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You could grab the roast out of the oven. Doug could you get the…” She turned and looked at her husband. His eyes were wide and horrified. She immediately followed his gaze and stared at Joey as well. She was standing beside the table in shock, her whole body trembling.

“I hate to spoil dinner,” she said with a shaky smile, “But I don’t suppose we could eat hospital food instead?”

“Oh shit.” Doug grabbed his keys off the counter and tossed them to Dawson. “Go start the police car. We’ll get there faster in it. Andie, call the hospital. Joey? You okay?” She nodded and he reached out and brushed her cheek. “Hang in there, Sis. You’re gonna be fine.”

Dawson hurried from the room, rushing for the car. Doug swept Joey up into his arms and carried her toward the door. “Doug?”

“Yeah, Joey?”

“You called me Sis.”

He smiled weakly. “Sorry.”

She lay her head on his shoulder and smiled. “No. I liked it.” They rushed past the stairs toward the front door and she sighed, her voice choked with tears. “I wish Pacey were here.”

Doug glanced back at the darkened stairwell they’d just past and caught his brother’s eye before hurrying out the door. “I know Joey, I bet he wishes he was too.”

**

Pacey stood in the stairwell as he heard the siren start up and saw the flashing lights disappear down the road, frozen except for his shaking hands.

She’d looked right at him and hadn’t seen him. He had felt her eyes on him like a brand, searing his skin with a simple searching glance. He walked dazedly into the kitchen and carefully started to put the food away, turning off the oven and the stove burners. Once it was straightened up, he found the kitchen towels and placed them on the floor.

His heart was pounding, mocking his calm appearance. He couldn’t stop his hands from shaking, couldn’t get past the sight of her in pain, asking for him. He held onto the back of one of the chairs and closed his eyes, imagining what it would be to be holding her hand as she cried out his name, brushing her damp hair from her face as they heard their baby’s first lusty cry.

Pacey sank to his knees, raising his eyes upward. God, it had to stop. He couldn’t do this. Couldn’t go on like this. Forcing himself to his feet, he headed for the garage. Getting in his car, he took a deep breath and made himself calm down. Pushing the garage door opener, he drove away from the house, toward the hospital.

Towards her.

 

~**~  
Dawson sank down into the neon blue plastic chair and buried his head in his hands. Everyone gathered around him, their eyes all searching for answers.

“Dawson?” His mother was the first to speak, although the question she asked was not the one on their mind. He looked up, surprised at the number of people in the waiting room. Even more surprised that he hadn’t noticed them when he’d first come in.

“Hey.”

“Dawson?” Mitch sat down next to his son, resting his hand on Dawson’s bent back. “What’s going on in there?”

“Joey’s…Joey’s having some problems. The doctors all stopped talking after a while and they told me I needed to leave. I wanted to stay, but they wouldn’t let me.” He looked up, meeting Bessie’s eyes. “She…she’s in a lot of pain.”

Bessie pursed her lips together to hold back her tears. She felt Bodie’s strong hand on her shoulder and covered it with her own, drawing some of his strength into her. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. They won’t tell me.” Dawson covered his face with his hands once more, unable to look anyone else in the eyes. Sensing that he was about to be barraged with questions, Doug stepped up and waved everyone back.

“Okay, guys. I’ll see if I can find anything out. Bessie, why don’t you come with me?” He moved over to Andie’s side and hugged her quickly, bending his head to whisper in her ear. “Keep them away from him, okay? I don’t think he’s handling this that well, and I’d hate to see this turn into a free-for-all. I don’t want to have to bail everyone out of jail in the morning.”

She nodded and kissed him quickly. “Go. Jack and I will take care of everything.”

Doug smiled at her, his hand brushing her stomach as he walked away. Bessie was standing away from the rest of the crowd, her hands crossed over her stomach protectively. “She’s going to be fine,” he assured her, placing his arm over her shoulder as he guided her down the hall. “They’d have told Dawson if there was anything life-threatening.”

“Why?” Bessie looked up at him, the tears she’d tried to repress spilling onto her cheeks. “Why would they tell Dawson?”

“He’s her husband.”

“No he isn’t.” Bessie’s brow furrowed and she shook her head. “They’re not married. Why would you think they’re married?”

Doug stopped walking and turned her to face him. “Pacey said that…”

“Pacey hasn’t spoken to Joey since…since he signed the papers.” Bessie refused to meet Doug’s eyes. “And she hasn’t talked to him. He must have just assumed that they got married. Joey wouldn’t marry Dawson. She’s in love with Pacey.”

“She wouldn’t marry him, but she’d have his kid?” Doug’s voice hardened with anger and confusion. “You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t see your sister’s twisted logic on that one.”

Bessie pulled away from his comforting touch and glared at him. “You don’t know anything about my sister.”

“I know enough. I know that she broke Pacey’s heart and, when that wasn’t enough, she did her best to destroy him. I know that she used him and…”

“Stop it.” Bessie sank into one of the nearby chairs and pressed her hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs. “Just stop. I don’t know what’s happening to Joey and I’m scared for her. That’s all I care about right now. My sister. My baby sister.”

Doug knelt in front of her and touched her arm. “I’m sorry, Bessie. I know this is hard. And I’m sorry that I took all my frustrations out on you.”

She laughed softly, the sound milky with tears. “It’s okay. It seems to be what the Witter boys do when it comes to the Potter girls.”

“That was a long time ago, you know.” Doug got to his feet and helped her to stand. “You can’t hold what I did and said in high school against me forever.”

“Yes I can.”

He chuckled and took her hand, leading her to the nurse’s station. They stopped at the counter, waiting for the head nurse to look up. “Can I help you…oh, Sheriff Witter.”

“Hello, April. I was wondering if you could share a little information with me?”

“Of course.” She smiled up at him, her brown eyes dancing with invitation. “What do you want to know?”

“My sister-in-law. Joey Potter? She’s in the delivery room and it seems there’s a little bit of trouble.”

“That’s Pacey’s wife, isn’t it? I just hate it when a woman won’t take her husband’s last name. Just seems a real shame.” She touched his hand. “And I think those hyphenates are just as bad. Kind of a slap on the husband’s masculinity, if you ask me.”

Doug pulled his hand back, his smile stretching painfully. “That’s Pacey’s…wife. Could you find out for me? Her sister and I would really like to know.”

“Can’t you just ask Pacey?”

“He’s out of town on a business trip,” Bessie put in. “Rushing to get here as fast as he can. We’d like to be able to tell him as soon as he arrives.”

“Of course.” She smiled up at Doug once more and turned to the phone. Doug pulled his hand back quickly, barely masking his shudder.

“Does the phrase barracuda mean anything to you, Sheriff?” Bessie asked with a soft laugh. “I’m guessing you don’t work the hospital beat much anymore.”

“Good Lord, no.” Doug gave her a real smile. “The women are more dangerous than the criminals.”

Bessie was about to reply when April hung up the phone and turned back to them. Her face was grave. “Oh, dear. I think, if you can, you’d better get Pacey here as quickly as possible.”

Bessie gripped Doug’s hand tightly. “Why? What’s going on?”

“There are complications. The umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck. It’s quite possibly going to be a stillbirth. They’re going to have to do a Caesarian section, but it seems your sister is having some sort of reaction to the pain killer they’ve given her. They can’t operate until her heart rate steadies. They’re trying to keep her from pushing, so that it doesn’t pull the cord tighter and definitely choke the baby.”

“Oh God.” Doug pulled Bessie close and held her tightly.

“It’s okay. Thank you, April.” He looked down at Bessie’s distraught face and closed his eyes, mentally hating himself for doing the right thing. “I know that the hospital usually only allows the father in, especially at times like this, but Joey’s best friend since childhood is here. Is there any way he could…he might be able to calm her down.”

“What’s his name?”

“Dawson Leery.”

April consulted a chart in front of her and nodded. “He’s on her list. I’ll get him in.” She walked around and headed back toward the waiting room with them. When they got there, Dawson stood immediately.

“Is she…is…”

“Are you Dawson?” He nodded and she gestured down the hall. “Come with me. I’ll take you to Joey.”

**

Bessie left Doug’s side for Bodie’s comforting embrace. They stood there, locking in each other’s arms as she whispered what they’d found out to him. Pain lanced through his eyes and he shot Doug a grateful look for his help.

Doug nodded once and turned to the rest of the group. It seemed the whole gang of his brother’s friends was back in town for the reunion and, probably thanks to Andie, they were all in the waiting room tonight. He knew them all from various events, weddings and arrests.

Jen was standing with Dawson’s parents; her surrogate family after her grandmother had passed away. Jack was standing next to Andie, his arm around her waist for strength, although Doug wasn’t sure who was providing it. Dawson’s parents looked worried, both for their son and the woman they thought of as their daughter.

“There are some complications.” Doug felt himself slip into his sheriff persona, his voice taking on a different tone. “The umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck and so they’re going to have to do a Caesarian. Joey’s having some sort of reaction to the painkiller they gave her, and so they’re having to wait for her body to regulate itself before they can operate. In the meantime, they’re having to keep her from pushing, afraid that if she does, the cord will tighten and the baby will…” he looked over at Andie and saw the anguish in her eyes. Leaving off in the middle of the sentence, he walked over to his wife and pulled her into his arms. His hand went to her hair and he stroked it lovingly. “Shh, baby. Shh.”

Andie sobbed against his chest, every fear that she’d had about pregnancy dancing in her mind’s eye. He held her close, rocking her slowly, his voice soft in her ear.

Everyone was silent, unable to look away from the sincerity of emotion. Finally, Jen broke the quiet. “Has anyone called Pacey?”

Andie stiffened in Doug’s arms and she looked up into his eyes. “Pacey.”

Doug shook his head and pulled her back against him. “I’ll call him.”

Jen nodded and sat down, her legs weak. “Is…do they know if Joey and the baby are going to be okay?”

“We don’t know.” Bessie’s soft voice was thick with emotion, but as strong as she’d always had to be. “We don’t know anything more than that.”

Gale went to Bessie’s side and put her arm around her. Everyone seemed to congregate together, seeking comfort from the unknown dangers that lurked just down the hall. Doug squeezed Andie tenderly before pulling away. He met her eyes and used his thumb to brush away her tears. “I’m going to go call Pacey. Stay with Jack, okay?”

“I can stand on my own two feet, Douglas Witter.”

“I know. But all these people, Andie? They love Joey too. And I don’t know that they’re all strong enough.”

She managed a teary smile. “Go call your brother.”

 

~**~  
Pacey sat outside the emergency room, inhaling the night air. Somehow the air seemed different in Capeside, fresher, cleaner, tasting of nostalgia. He looked over as the automatic doors whooshed open and Doug stepped outside. “You should come inside.”

“No.” Pacey shook his head, turning away. “He’s there for her.”

“They’re not married.”

Pacey digested the information without changing expression. “It doesn’t change the fact that he’s the father of her child.”

“No. But she’s in some serious danger here, Pacey. You should be in there, be there for her.”

“She made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t want me to be there for her, Doug. She left me, she divorced me, she cheated on me. She fucked my best friend and she was more than happy to have *his* baby. I may be a little slow, but I’m pretty sure that all adds up to the fact that she’d rather be with Dawson than be with me.”

“She asked me about you tonight.”

“Don’t do this to me, okay? I know that you want what’s best for me, and I know you think I have to deal with this once and for all so that I can run out and find some sort of life after Joey. But it’s not going to happen. I don’t want a life that she’s not in. I don’t want to find someone new. There’s only one woman that I had any desire to spend my life with. And she’s in there starting a whole new one with the guy I called my best friend for most of my life.”

Doug watched Pacey stand and start off toward the street. “She’s still in love with you.”

Pacey stopped. His voice, when he spoke, was tortured. “She’s got a funny way of showing it.” He took another step. “Besides Doug, if being in love with me prompts her to act like this, is that the kind of love that I want?”

“She could be dying, Pacey. The baby’s in a bad position, Joey’s having a reaction to the drugs. They can’t guarantee that she’s going to make it. Do you want something to happen to her and have that day, that morning, that fight be the last memory that she has of you?”

Pacey stopped again, closing his eyes against the wave of pain that broke over him. “I can’t see her, Doug. I found that out tonight. I wanted to walk down those stairs and force her to tell me the truth, to tell me once and for all how she felt about me, how she could do that to me.”

“And?”

“And I couldn’t do it.” He turned to face his brother, and Doug winced from the bleakness in Pacey’s blue eyes. “I couldn’t face her. Because the only thing that gets me through the days right now is the knowledge that she loved me once. If I had to see her eyes and know that she’s in love with him? That’s the one thing I can’t take.”

“What if you’re wrong about what you’d see?”

He shrugged. “I’m not willing to take the chance.”

 

~**~  
Everyone looked up at him as Doug walked into the waiting room. Andie stood and joined him, her eyes searching his. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. No.” Doug sighed. “He’s not coming.”

Andie lowered her eyes and nodded, not surprised. “I can’t say that I blame him.”

“Me either.” Doug looked over at the rest of the group. “Any word?” He noticed Bessie was missing. “Where’s Bessie? Is Joey okay?”

“Yeah.” Bessie walked up, a smile on her face. “She’s okay. The baby’s…the baby’s okay. In critical condition, but alive.” Doug looked up and saw Pacey walking toward them. He started to smile when Bessie’s next words reached him. “Yeah, apparently Dawson being there helped calm her down.”

Pacey stopped walking and bent his head, every ounce of hope seeming to leave him. He turned on his heel and stalked off down the hall in the opposite direction. Bessie met Doug’s eyes and turned, looking to see what he was staring at.

“What is it, Doug?”

He shook his head, smiling at her. “Nothing, Bess. Just glad that Joey’s going to be okay.” He moved over to the chairs and sat down, wishing he could say the same for his younger brother.

**

Pacey walked without direction, winding his way through the hospital corridors. The anaseptic smell pierced his senses. His head was swimming with the chemical scent, mixing with the swell of emotions that threatened to overtake him.

“Can I help you, sir?”

He started, his eyes darting to the woman standing beside him. He shook his head vehemently. “No.”

“Because you’re about to enter a restricted area, and I’d hate to have to have you arrested by hospital security.”

He tried to focus on her, “I’m sorry?”

She took his arm and led him over to a small gathering of chairs. “Are you looking for someone or something? I could help you.” Looking him over, she tried to judge his state of mind. “I would guess you’re either looking for the nursery or the chapel.”

His blue eyes seemed haunted when they met hers. “I…my wife just had a baby. Only she’s not my wife anymore and it sure as hell isn’t my baby. What’s your name?”

“Mea.”

“Mea. Nice.” He took a deep breath. “My…ex-wife just had a baby. I was wondering…is it possible for me to see it? If it’s in the nursery? Would it be in the nursery? I don’t know…anything about babies. Other than the fact that she seems to have an aversion to having mine.”

“What’s your…ex-wife’s name?”

“Joey. Josephine. Potter. Or Leery. Maybe Witter.” He laughed sadly. “I don’t know.”

“That’s enough to go on. You stay there, okay?” She touched his arm and he looked at her, perhaps seeing her for the first time. “What’s your name?”

“Pacey. Pacey Witter.”

“Stay here, Pacey Witter. I’ll find out what I can.”

He leaned back, blowing out the breath he’d been holding. The fluorescent lights flickered above him, and he began counting the small holes in the ceiling tiles. He reached up to his neck, pulling the golden ring from its hiding place and running his thumb over the smooth surface.

“I have good news and bad news, which do you want first?”

He straightened, feeling all the while like one of his students getting caught daydreaming. “Trust me, you haven’t heard bad news until you’ve heard the story of my life.” Seeing her skeptical look, he stood up. “Good news first.”

“Mother’s doing fine. She’s resting in her own room. They didn’t have to do the C-section, but she’s going to be mighty sore for a long, long time.” She looked at the ground for a long time before looking back at him. “The bad news is that the baby isn’t doing so well. She’s in intensive…”

“She?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “She’s in post-natal intensive care and she’s in bad shape. There was a prolonged period when there was no oxygen getting to her brain and, if she lives, she’s most likely going to have severe disabilities.”

Pacey tightened his grip on Joey’s ring as he listened, his eyes focused on something the young woman in front of him couldn’t see. “If she lives?”

“And I shouldn’t be telling you any of this.” She smiled ruefully. “That said, would you like to go up to intensive care? I’m off work right now and I could get you in. You can’t get too close and if you get caught, I’ll completely deny that I know anything about how you got there, but…if you want.”

“Why are you doing this for me?”

“Because I see all types of people come into this hospital. Some of them are happy, some are sad. I’ve never seen anyone with eyes as haunted as yours. And my job, as a caregiver, is to ease a patient’s pain. I have a feeling that this might be the only chance I have of easing yours.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” she told him seriously as she led him to the elevator. “You don’t know what you’re going to see and you don’t know how you’re going to react. I don’t care what this child means to you, the sight of her is most likely going to break your heart.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. Her mother’s the same way.”

 

~**~  
The hallway was dimly lit, the darkness adding to the sense of urgency and tension that seemed to seep through the walls. Pacey stood outside the enclosed area, ignoring every instinct he had that was shouting at him to go, to run away.

He put his hand on the clear glass door, Mea’s nearly imperceptible nod encouraging him. He was dressed in hospital scrubs, trying desperately to look like he belonged there. He made his way through the door; heading for the small, enclosed structure that housed Joey’s…Dawson and Joey’s child. He stepped carefully, mindful of all the other children in the room, his harsh breathing joining the sounds of machinery in the cool quiet.

His gloved hand lifted the slip of paper so that he could read the black letters. Baby Leery. A small pink bunny adorned the upper left-hand corner, indicating the sex. Pacey let the paper fall back into place and moved around to the side.

He’d seen babies before. His sisters had done their level best to overpopulate the world, and a million years ago, he'd helped Joey with Alexander. But nothing could prepare him for this. Nothing could have braced him for the sight of her eyes in something so small, so delicate, so fragile.

Wide grayish brown eyes stared up at him, so knowing and yet so innocent. Her skin was tinged blue, so pale and paper thin that he could see the intricate latticework of veins beneath it. Her head was topped with a mop of dark hair that reminded him of Joey in the wind, wild and untamable.

He reached out and touched the casing that protected her, squatting down so that he could look at her eye to eye. She turned her head to the side, following his movements. Her mouth was open, soft bubbles of spit and air bursting with every breath. He traced the line of her head against the plastic and smiled, his lips trembling with the threat of tears. “Hey, little girl.”

She moved her fist, her eyes never leaving his. The dark of hers seemed captivated by the piercing blue of his. Pacey moved his hand to the gloves that would allow him to touch her and he slowly slid his arm in. Moving it carefully, he brushed her lower lip, breaking a small bubble as she blew it.

“You know this is my favorite part of your mother,” he whispered. “She always chews on it when she’s nervous, bites it when she’s upset. She’ll lick it when she’s hungry and when she loved me? She let me do all those things as well.” He pulled his hand away and freed it from the glove. Standing up, he stepped back and wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. “I wish you were mine, little girl.”

“Pacey?”

He nodded and followed Mea out of the intensive care unit, looking back only once. They’d just made their way out the door when a shrill siren started whooping, and doctors and nurses seem to come from everywhere. Mea pulled Pacey to the side of the corridor, shoving him against the wall and pressing her finger to his lips.

He watched as everyone rushed to where he’d just been standing, slumping to the floor as the reality of it all hit him. His eyes were wide with fear as he met Mea’s. “The baby?”

She shook her head, her eyes never leaving the group working feverishly in the other room. Moments later, she saw several of them backing away. She sighed and met Pacey’s eyes, knowing no words needed to be said.

**

He didn’t know how long it took him to walk down the stairs. It seemed like the longest walk he’d ever taken, the walls stretching on forever, one corridor the same as the next. When he finally reached the waiting room, he knew that he hadn’t taken long enough, knew that he’d arrived before hope left the room.

“Is Mr. Leery here?” The voice seemed to fill the room and all eyes turned to the speaker, a large man dressed in the familiar blue scrubs that matched the ones Pacey still wore.

Dawson stood; his brown eyes focused on the doctor, his worry and hope warring for dominance. “I…I’m Dawson Leery.”

“Mr. Leery, could I see you for just a moment?”

Dawson shook his head, long perfected denial in his demeanor. “No. These are my family and friends. Anything that needs to be said, they can hear.” He stepped forward, clutching his mother’s hand as she held it out to him. “What is it? Is it Joey? Is it…is it the baby?”

“Mr. Leery, I’d really rather that we discuss this in private.”

“Please? Just…just tell me now?”

The doctor sighed and moved closer, his face a mask of professionalism. “Mr. Leery, as you know, your daughter was born with some severe problems. She’s been in ICU since her birth and, despite the incredible advances in technology, sometimes everything we have is simply not enough.”

“No.” Dawson shook his head. “No.”

“She went into cardiac arrest, Mr. Leery.” He paused as Gale stood and embraced her son, guiding his head to her shoulder, cradling him as she had when he was a baby. “We weren’t able to save her. I’m…I’m very sorry.”

“No.” Dawson practically screamed the word at him, tearing out of his mother’s embrace. “NO! Not my child! I don’t care what you have to do! You have to save her!”

“Mr. Leery…”

“Don’t you understand? She’s my little girl! She’s my daughter with Joey and what we have is too strong for this!” He moved toward the doctor, his tear-filled eyes begging him for another answer. “She has to live. She’s everything that Joey and I need. She makes everything right, don’t you understand?”

Mitch walked up behind Dawson and put his arm around his son. “Thank you, doctor. We know you did everything you could.” He turned Dawson away from the rest of the group and led him down the hall to the nearby chapel. Dawson resisted, not wanting to believe, not wanting to accept the words. He jerked away from his father and turned back to the doctor.

“What about Joey? Have you told Joey yet?”

“Miss Potter isn’t awake yet.”

“Don’t call her that!” Dawson’s cry ripped through the silent room, causing everyone to jump. “She’s supposed to be Mrs. Leery. She’ll be Mrs. Leery.” He struggled against his father’s grip, trying to keep from being led down the hall as his tears fell down his cheeks. “You’ll see. The baby’s going to make everything okay.”

The doctor looked over at Gale. “I’m very sorry. If there’s anything I can do for him…”

“A shot of Valium might help,” Andie whispered softly. When Gale looked over at her angrily, she simply shrugged. “He’s hurting. And I know what it’s like. He needs to calm down before he sees Joey. You put him in a room with her like that and they’ll be blaming each other until they both hate themselves and each other.”

Gale nodded slowly, standing. “I’m going to go join them. We…we appreciate all of you coming and being here. I…I don’t know…” She shrugged, her own tears threatening. “Excuse me.”

She hurried from the room, rushing down the hall after her family.

 

~**~  
Jen watched as Bessie buried her head in her hands. Walking over to Doug, she gestured away from the group with her head. He followed her, leaving Andie’s side reluctantly. When they were out of hearing distance, Jen leveled her stare at him. “Okay, so pretend I don’t know what the hell is going on, which is pretty much true. Could you fill me in here? I mean, the last I heard, Pacey and Joey were living in wedded bliss. I come home from Europe and Joey’s pregnant with Dawson’s child, she and Pacey are divorced and I’m more confused than I ever was in high school. I mean, hell, soap opera plots don’t change this quickly.”

Doug laughed humorlessly. “Well, let’s see. Joey left Pacey. They got divorced in a story that’s best left for a long session at the bar. Joey was living with Dawson while they were separated. She slept with Dawson. She got pregnant.”

“How? Joey was adamant about not having kids.” Jen shook her head. “I don’t get it.”

“Neither did Pacey.” Doug shrugged. “That’s about the extent of it. As far as I know, Dawson and Joey are living together, but they’re not married. I don’t know why. I don’t want to know. She left my brother, that’s all that matters to me right now.”

Jen nodded, her lack of understanding still showing on her face. “Okay. I don’t get this at all.”

“I don’t know that anyone does.” Doug looked around, wondering where Pacey was. “I don’t even know that Joey, Pacey or Dawson know what’s going on.”

“Thanks.” Jen smiled at him as she looked in Andie’s direction. “And congratulations. But if I could be nosy and a busybody, you should probably get her out of here. I know that Andie puts up a tough front, but she’s probably scared to death right now. And that’s the last thing she needs while she’s pregnant.”

“I know.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You guys going to be okay?”

“We’ll be fine. I’ll make sure Mitch and Gale get home okay, since I’m sure Dawson will stay here. I’ll have Jack look out for Bessie and Bodie.”

“Thanks Jen.”

He smiled at her before returning to Andie’s side. “Hey, Mrs. Witter, what do you say we go home and put you to bed.”

“But…”

“Andie, there’s nothing we can do here. Not now. We can come back tomorrow and see Joey.” He brushed a lock of hair off her face. “You need some rest and I don’t want you worrying. You understand?”

She nodded, her blue eyes still swimming with tears. “But…”

“Andie? Please?”

Bessie met Andie’s eyes and she nodded. “Go home, Andie. Joey knows that you’re thinking of her. And she wouldn’t want anything to happen to you or your baby. Believe me.”

Andie walked over to Bessie and hugged her. “You’ll be okay?”

Bessie nodded, sending more tears rioting down her cheeks. “We’ll go see Joey in a few minutes then head home. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She looked past the blonde to Doug. “Thank you for all your help tonight, Doug.”

He held her gaze for a long time before nodding. “Tell her we’re thinking of her, Bess.”

“I will.” Doug looked away from her and went to Andie, wrapping his arm around her. “Come on, Mrs. Witter. You’ve got a kitchen to clean.”

She giggled through her tears, knowing that he’d spend the night cleaning it for her if she asked. “Slave driver.”

“Harpy.”

“Closet case.”

“I’m going to kill my little brother one of these days.”

“Oh don’t,” she sighed happily as he kissed the top of her head. “His little suggestion just gives me all the more reason to try and persuade you to come over to our team.”

**

Mitch wrapped his arm around Gale’s shoulder as they walked from the chapel. Dawson had been sitting there for the last half-hour, refusing to move or speak. They’d both attempted to start conversations with him, to no avail. Finally, assured that he had calmed down some, they headed out of the room, leaving him with his tortured thoughts.

Dawson sighed with relief as they left, anxious to be alone. His body relaxed, only to tense again as he realized there was someone else in the room. Turning his head, he watched as the figure pushed off the wall and walked down the short aisle to the pew he sat in.

He faced forward, both of them staring at nothing.

“Dawson.”

“Pacey.”

Silence reigned again, neither sure of what to say next. What do you say to the man who stole your wife and your chances for happiness? What do you say to the best friend you helped betray?

“Funny, isn’t it? I never thought it was possible for one of us to be at a loss for words.” Pacey’s voice lifted with humor, although they could both tell it was forced. “Although, in my defense, I would have to say this isn’t the best time for a clever quip.”

“And while I could go on for hours, analyzing the why's and wherefore's, I can’t seem to find the energy.”

“You didn’t say anything to your folks. Why not?”

“They want to help.” Dawson shrugged. “I know that. But there’s nothing anyone can say that would be a comfort right now. It’s for the best. God had a plan for the baby’s soul. All the platitudes and lies that they tell. But nothing…nothing is an acceptable reason for this. No one should have to suffer through the loss of a child. Even one that was only a few hours old.”

“Did…did you guys know it was going to be a girl?”

Dawson smiled and nodded. “Yeah. I wanted to wait, wanted to be surprised, even though she asked me how I was supposed to plot out every Speilbergian detail of the kid’s life if I didn’t know the sex. But she…she wanted to know right away. Needed to know, almost.”

“Was she…was she happy it was a girl?”

“I don’t know if happy is the right word. She seemed relieved.”

A small smile raised the corner of Pacey’s mouth. She’d wanted his son. Not Dawson’s. “They say girls are easier.”

“Girls say girls are easier.” Dawson looked down at his hands. “Any guy knows that girls are the most difficult creatures on the earth to figure out.” Looking over at Pacey, he managed a weak grin. “Especially girls with long dark hair and eyes you can get lost in.”

Pacey stiffened. “Like your daughter.”

“Like her mother.”

Shaking his head, Pacey stood up. “We’re not here to talk about her. If you want someone to listen, if you want someone who’s willing to put aside a hell of a lot of history and be here for you, I’m willing to do it, but she has to stay out of this conversation. You’re in a lot of pain right now. I know what that’s like. But I won’t discuss her with you.”

“You can’t even say her name.”

“What was your daughter’s name going to be, Dawson?”

Dawson immediately looked away, chagrined. “I’m sorry, Pacey. I mean, I know that’s probably the last thing you want to hear. And I know you don’t believe me anyway. Because I’m not sorry that Joey and I are together. I’ll never be sorry for that. But I’m sorry you got hurt.”

Pacey walked up to the altar and sat on the steps leading up to it. “What were you going to name her?” He clenched his hands into fists, determined to offer comfort despite the overwhelming urge to take his aggression out on Dawson.

“We were going to name her after her mom.”

“Oh.” Pacey stared at the ground, wondering when everything got so difficult. “Have you seen her yet?”

“No. She’s sleeping.” He sighed heavily. “I got to see the baby though, before they took her up to ICU. She was so small, Pace. So delicate and helpless. And I just kept thinking that this was a little piece of perfection that Joey and I created. All those years of dancing around one another, all those years of trying to figure it out and, in one small instant, we got it right.”

Pacey felt his chest constrict and he laced his hands together, his knuckles white from the pressure. “I’m sure she was beautiful.”

“And Joey…she was so strong in there. I could tell she was scared. She had that wild look in her eyes, the one she used to get just before she’d take off running toward the dock and the safety of her boat. But she just held my hand and did exactly as they asked, whispering under her breath.”

“What did she whisper?”

“I wanted this.”

“I wanted these,” Pacey corrected him without thinking.

“What?”

He looked up at Dawson and shook his head, “Nothing. I was just trying to figure out…I mean, I know what she meant by that, it’s pretty obvious. I mean, she wanted to have your kid. You guys and a kid, I mean that’s perfection, right? The golden boy gets the girl and they have the perfect child.” He stood up; knowing his mouth was about to run away with him. “Only to get her, the golden boy had to betray his best friend, sleep with his wife and impregnate her while she was still married. Not such a pretty picture, is it?”

“I had nothing to do with her leaving you, Pacey.”

“But you had everything to do with her not coming back, didn’t you, Dawson?” The anger he struggled to control threatened, seeping through him like heat. “It killed you that she chose me, chose the black sheep instead of your picture perfect world. You couldn’t just be happy for me; you had to covet everything she and I had together. How many relationships did you screw up, Dawson, just so you could be there for Joey if it ever fell apart?”

“Doesn’t it say more that I knew it would fall apart, Pacey? You’ve never outgrown your need to be recognized, lauded for your ability to slay ‘em in the aisle and sweep the ladies of their feet. You forget that I heard all about the night she left you. I heard all about the fact that you came home smelling like some cheap floozy you found in a bar. Was she worth it, Pacey? Was she worth the fallout?”

Pacey strode past Dawson, headed for the door of the chapel. He was about to walk out when he stopped, laughing at his luck. Bessie stood there, her eyes wide. “Pacey?”

“Hey, Bessie.” He stepped aside so that she could see Dawson. “Don’t mind me. I was just on my way out.”

“Pacey, Joey’s…”

“Joey belongs to Dawson now.” He brushed past her, not wanting to hear another word from either of them. He ignored Bodie, who stood behind Bessie and walked through the waiting room. Jen, Jack and the Leerys all looked up, surprise lighting their features. He stopped walking and stared at them all, his smile hard and humorless. “Tragedy strikes and the gang’s all here. Why am I not surprised?”

“Pacey,” Jen stood up, her hand reaching out to him.

“Save the sympathy, Lindley. Dawson’s the one who lost a child. I didn’t lose anything I didn’t deserve to lose.” He locked eyes with the people he’d considered a second – a real – set of parent. “Isn’t that right?” He turned and left the hospital, not giving them a chance to answer.

**

Pacey stared out at the water, watching as the light reflected off the soft ripples. He sighed quietly as he felt someone sit next to him, knowing whom it was without looking. "You should be at home in bed."

"You need a friend tonight."

"I need more than that," he shrugged. "But what I need I can’t have, so there’s no point to it, is there?" He stood up and walked to the railing. "I thought I had it all figured out, you know? As soon as I heard she was here, I wasn’t going to come, but there was just one more thing I had to know. And I’m scared that there’s always going to be one more thing, and I’m never going to be free."

"Do you want to be?"

"No. But she does. So I have to give her what she wants. That’s what you do for the people you love, right? You let them be who they need to be no matter the cost? You sometimes have to walk away from them so that they can be the people they want and need to be?"

"Are we talking about me now, Pacey? Or are we still talking about Joey?"

"It’s a running theme in my life." He shrugged. "I give you up and you end up with my brother. I give her up and she runs to Dawson. Seems like there’s someone better than me out there for everyone."

"She still loves you. So do I."

He shook his head, not looking back at her. "Don’t say things like that, Andie."

"Pacey, I’m always going to love you. You were my first love. You were my first lover. You were so many things to me that, if I hadn’t had you…you said once that I was the person who helped you be the person you’d only ever dreamed of being. Maybe you weren’t that person for me, Pacey, but you helped me find him."

He laughed softly. "Yeah. That’s me. Pacey Witter, stepping stone to true love."

"You’ve always looked down on yourself, Pacey." Andie stood and walked over to his side. "Why do you do that?"

"Life hasn’t given me any other explanation for why it’s so fucked up." He rubbed his thumb over the smooth wood. "I saw Dawson."

"Okay, that was stupid."

"He needed a friend."

"And that’s what you are."

"Inevitably. I’m always the buddy, the friend. Dawson once defined me as loyal. Tried and true like some sort of pet." His bitter laugh seemed heavy on the cool night air. "So I went to see the man who, for all intents and purposes, stole my wife from me and offered him sympathy on the death of his daughter."

"You’re a good man, Pacey."

"No, Andie, I’m not. That’s the mistake you made back in high school, and you’re making it again today. I’m not a good man. I’m a…" he turned quickly and pulled her into his arms, kissing her demandingly. His hands held her face; his thumbs stroking her cheeks as he parted her lips and slipped his tongue into her surprised mouth. The feel of the moist heat of her mouth broke him and he shoved her away, spinning away himself, burying his head against the nearby light pole. "Oh God, I’m an asshole."

Andie touched her lips, dazed. Her tongue darted out and she licked the slightly swollen skin. Walking slowly toward him, as if he were some wild animal, she reached out and touched his shoulder. Pacey jerked away. "You’re hurting, Pacey. You’ve been dealing with this all on your own, and you’re lashing out."

"I’m sorry, Andie." He still refused to look at her. "God, just…just make sure you take Doug’s gun away before you tell him, okay? Or…well, on second thought, don’t. Just tell him I’ll be here when he feels like killing me."

"Pacey." She touched his shoulder again, turning him around to look at her. His eyes were downcast, and she lifted his chin forcing his eyes to her. "Why don’t you come home with me and get some sleep? Everything will make more sense in the morning. And if it doesn’t, well, at least it won’t all seem quite so melodramatic."

"Right. Dougie killing me in bed seems much more fitting for the horror show my life has become." He fell in step beside her as she started walking. "I’m glad you found him, Andie. I’m glad you found the guy that made it all right for you."

"I was making it all right by myself too, you know."

"I know. But Doug…he makes you happy. And as disturbing as it all is, I’m glad for it." He stopped walking and waited for her to do the same. She turned around and walked back to him, waiting patiently as he brushed her lips with his thumb. "And I’m sorry about this. I hope it doesn’t cause any problems."

"I’m immune to the Pacey Witter charm, so I think you’re safe."

"Seems like they sent the vaccine to that around a while ago without telling me." He took her hand and started walking again. When they got within view of the house, he nodded toward the door. "Looks like Dad is standing guard making sure I get you home before curfew."

Andie’s eyes met Doug’s in the darkness and she smiled, even though she knew he couldn’t see her clearly enough to know it. When they reached the porch, she kissed Pacey’s cheek and ushered him past his brother. Doug raised an eyebrow and shrugged as she shook her head.

As soon as Pacey was safely up the stairs, she came back to the porch and sat on the swing beside him. "He’s in bad shape right now. He saw Dawson."

"And I would imagine he’s going to see Joey tomorrow." Doug watched her profile in the moonlight, watched as she raised a hand to her lips. "I see my little brother put the move on you?"

She jumped, surprised by his words and the even tone with which he said them. "Oh."

"Don’t worry. I know he’s harmless. He’s too in love with her to see straight." Doug leaned back and put his arm around Andie, pulling her close. "But if he tries anything else, you let me know, Mrs. Witter. I’ve been interested in fratricide ever since the day he was born."

 

~**~  
Dawson moved quietly into Joey’s room and sat on the end of her bed. Her eyes were closed, the skin around them dark with strain and sorrow. He reached out and took her hand, holding it gently in his own. "Jo?"

She opened her eyes slowly and smiled sadly at him. "Dawson."

"I’m sorry, Jo." She nodded, exhaustion keeping her from speaking. Her eyes drifted closed again, but she tightened her grip on his hand. "I…I want to be selfish and not tell you this. I want to be the guy who has the right to keep things from you, but you won’t let me, so I guess I should…"

He looked up, surprised by the tears leaking out from under her eyelids. Getting up, he moved from the foot of the bed to the head of it, leaning over to brush the tears from her hollow cheeks.

"Shh, Joey. It’s okay. I’m here for you." He kissed her forehead tenderly, a lifetime of emotion hovering between them. "It’s okay, Jo. I’m here. I love you." He continued catching each tear, not letting it fall. Her damp lashes clumped together as she opened her eyes and looked at him, her eyes etched with pain.

"I didn’t want her to die, Dawson."

"Oh, honey, I know that." He kissed her forehead again. "Don’t think I don’t know that."

"I wanted her to be fine and to live and I wanted to love her forever. I wanted to be the mom that I didn’t get to have for very long. I wanted…" she choked on a sob, clutching his hand like a lifeline. "I wanted it to all be okay."

"It’s going to be okay, Joey. We’ll try again and we’ll do it all right this time. We’ll get married and have as many babies as you want. We’ll have a family and we’ll…"

"Why isn’t Pacey here, Dawson?" She whispered the words, but it did nothing to lessen the impact he felt.

He stepped back, anger and jealously swimming in his stomach, drowning the tender promises he’d just made. "You couldn’t wait to ask? You couldn’t at least wait until she’s in the ground to want to run back to him?"

"I…" she sighed weakly, wishing she could give herself over to the drugs and let them take her back into her dreams. "I just wondered if anyone told him. Not that he’d care."

"That’s right, Joey. He wouldn’t care. He hurt you, you left him. You’re divorced. It’s over. Why would he be here to celebrate the birth of our child?" Tears stung his own eyes and he hated himself for hurting her, wished he could stop the words as they spewed forth. "Although maybe he’d find justice in her death."

Her sigh caught on a sob and Dawson hung his head in shame. Joey shook her head, sending more tears down her cheeks. "He hates me, doesn’t he?"

"He hates us both, Jo. But only because he loved us both so much once upon a time." He walked over to her, apologizing softly for his earlier words. "Get some rest, Joey. I’ll be here in the morning when you wake up."

"We have to make all those choices in the morning."

He nodded, his expression as sad as hers. "We’ll do it together."

She reached out as he started to move away, catching his hand and holding it tightly. "I love you Dawson. You’re my best friend."

"I love you too, Jo."

She watched him walk out of the room before turning her head toward the window, staring out at the moon. Her right hand went instinctively to her left, playing with the rings that were no longer there.

**

The pre-dawn light filtered into the bedroom as Pacey threw off the covers. He hadn’t slept. His eyes were gritty and tired, his body exhausted.

He got off the bed and moved to the window. The soft light danced off the water, and he closed his eyes, resting his forehead on the cool pane of glass. His world was out of control. He should have stayed away from Capeside. He should never have come back here. His relationship with her was severed irrevocably. He needed to remember that she wanted Dawson and the life he offered her.

Moving away from the window, he walked into the bathroom. The hot water of the shower was seductive, making him long for sleep. However, knowing Andie had undoubtedly told Doug about his stupidity from the night before, he had no desire to have a confrontation with his brother.

He dressed quickly, running the towel through his short hair. He slipped quietly out of the house, bypassing his car and jogging down the road.

Capeside was waking up. Car exhaust lanced through the early morning fog, and the rough sound of engines revving shattered the still silence.

He stopped jogging about a mile from the hospital, panting softly. He rested his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. He breathed deeply, sucking in the chilled air, steadying himself as he started walking.

Every step that brought him closer to her seemed harder to take. He knew he had no right to be there, no right to infringe upon her relationship with Dawson, her grief over the loss of her child. Because regardless of the fact that they weren’t married, Dawson was her life now; he was the man she wanted.

But the need to see her, the need to touch her one last time… He stopped and grabbed the ring through his shirt. Something inside him felt…broken, and for some insane reason, he believed she could fix it. Believed she would fix it.

Fix him.

 

~**~  
Pacey sat in the darkened room and watched her sleeping. His mind was screaming at him to get out while he still could, leave the room and Capeside and never look back. But his heart held him there, drinking in the sight of her.

Joey moaned softly in her sleep, tossing restlessly. Suddenly, she jerked awaked, opening her eyes and staring right at him. She smiled softly. “You’re not here, you know.”

“I’m not?” He let a soft laugh creep into his voice as he leaned forward in the uncomfortable chair.

“No. Because you hate me, and you’re too proud.”

“I have no pride when it comes to you, Potter. I thought you knew that.”

She shook her head lazily, “Nope. You don’t like me right now. You haven’t liked me for a long time.”

“I guess not. I’ve been too busy being in love with you.” He stood up and walked to her side, taking her hand in his. “You should go back to sleep.”

Tears filled her eyes and she looked away. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Pacey. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

He leaned down and kissed her forehead, brushing her hair away from her face as he did so. “Go to sleep, Jo. You don’t owe me anything.”

“But I do. I owe you everything, not the least of which is an explanation and an apology.” She maintained her grip on his hand, not wanting him to walk away from her. “Pacey, I…” She shook her head and closed her eyes, letting go of his hand. “It doesn’t matter. You’re not real, anyway. You’re never real anymore.”

He stroked her cheek and stepped back. “Go back to sleep, Potter.”

“No one else calls me that, do you know that?” Her voice was mumbled, the drugs in her system taking over once again. “I won’t let them. Only you. That’s how I know that you love me.”

“I’ll call you Potter from now on then.”

“No,” her breathing evened out and she started to drift. “Because you don’t. You can’t. How can you still love me when I don’t even like me?”

“What makes you think I ever stopped?”

 

~**~  
Dawson watched Pacey leave Joey’s room. He leaned against the wall, watching his best friend walk away. Closing his eyes, Dawson took a deep breath and slammed his head back against the wall. “Pacey, wait!” He jogged after him, slowing as Pacey came to a halt. He stopped when he reached him, completely unsure of what to say.

“What do you want, Dawson?” Pacey resisted the urge to grab for the ring, knowing he couldn’t take his strength from her anymore.

“A million and one things.” They started walking as if by instinct. “None of which I have the right to ask you for.”

“So why are we having this conversation?”

“I’m in love with her, Pacey. I never stopped being in love with her. And I know I went about this all the wrong way, but…”

Pacey refused to look at him. “Do you want my permission, Dawson? Is that what this is?”

“Maybe.”

He nodded. “So, it’s not enough that you slept with her, and she had your child. Now you want my permission. Maybe you’d like it retroactively so that you can fuck her without guilt.”

Dawson ran his hand through his hair as Pacey stormed away. Cursing under his breath, he hurried after him. “Damn it, Pacey. I love her. You’ve always known that. Hell, you knew it before I did.”

Pacey stopped. “I love her too. I’ve loved her just as long.”

“She loves me.”

Pacey lost the battle and grabbed the ring through his T-shirt. She left him. She slept with Dawson. She had his baby. “You’re right, D. She certainly does.”

 

~**~  
Pacey sank onto the front steps of Doug and Andie’s house, tired from his long walk from the hospital. He’d walked around the town, remembering things he’d tried to forget in the wake of their divorce. Sighing, he looked over at Bessie and smiled. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She smiled back, obviously nervous about being there.

“How’s the bed and breakfast?”

“Good.”

“Alexander and Bodie?”

“They’re good too.”

“Good.”

They were silent for a while, both with too much to say. Finally, Bessie reached over and took his hand. “I’m sorry, Pacey.”

“You didn’t do anything, Bessie. And there’s nothing you could have done. I was stupid, and I paid the price.”

“You paid too much, honey.”

“Yeah.” His eyes stung with tears. “But I’m through paying.”

“What do you…?”

“I’m going home. He…he loves her and he’ll take care of her.” He sniffed back the tears, refusing to let them fall. “And she’s let me go, so I have to do the same.” He squeezed her hand briefly before letting it go. When he stood up, the smile he gave her was genuine. “Just know that I loved her, okay?”

Bessie waited until he was inside the house before she stood to leave. She glanced back, wondering if he had any idea how much his eyes gave away. “And you still do.”

**

Joey leaned against Dawson, letting him guide her to a chair. Her legs still felt weak and she sat down gratefully. “Thanks.”

He smoothed his hand over her hair. “Do you want anything to eat? Punch?”

“Punch is good. Non-hospital punch is very good.”

“Be right back.”

Joey didn’t watch him walk away. Instead her eyes scanned the crowd. “Don’t bother.” Andie sat down beside her. “He’s not here. He left two weeks ago.”

“I’m beginning to think I just dreamed him.”

“These seats taken?” Jen gestured to two of the seats at the table, both her and Jack sitting down before anyone answered.

“Where’s Matthew?” Andie asked.

“Still in Paris. His flight was delayed.” She grabbed the yearbook off the center of the table. Flipping though the pages, she paused at a photo of the group of them.

Andie and Jack were sitting beside her, their heads resting on her shoulders. Dawson was stretched out in front of them his head in her lap. Pacey and Joey’s heads were on his legs, only instead of staring at the camera like everyone else, they were staring at each other.

“Were we really every that young?”

Jack pulled the book in front of him. “I’m still that young.”

Andie laughed. “You know, other than class pictures and a few assorted after school activities, every picture of one of us has the whole gang in it. Did we ever not hang out together?”

“I can think of a time or two.” Joey smirked. “Most of which were proceeded by some cataclysmic breakup between me and Dawson.” Her eyes looked haunted for a brief second, another more catastrophic breakup on her mind. “All our high school melodrama.”

Dawson came back and set a glass of punch in front of Joey. “Hey guys.”

“I can’t believe we’re all here,” Andie admitted. “In high school, I would have had to threaten each of you with bodily harm to get you here.”

“We got smarter with age.”

She smirked at her brother. “You just couldn’t find a decent excuse. I believe it’s required for the football hero and the Homecoming Queen to be here, isn’t it?”

Jack stood up. “Shut up, Sis. Come and dance with me.”

“Sounds fun.” Jen looked at Joey then at Dawson as they moved away. “You mind if I steal him, Jo?”

“Go ahead. I’m not quite up to a twinkle-toes routine.”

Dawson kissed her forehead then grabbed Jen’s hand. “We’ll be back.”

Joey watched him walk away this time, a soft smile on her face. As soon as they were out of sight, she bit her lower lip and pulled the yearbook in front of her. She traced his picture with her fingertip, wishing she could just hear him one more time. Just hear him say…

“Hey Potter.”

She turned in her seat, her eyes locking with his. “Pacey,” she whispered.

He sat down next to her and smiled. “You’re looking good. You’re feeling okay? He didn’t drag you out of the hospital just so he’d have a date, did he?”

“No. I mean, I’m fine. Almost back to normal.”

“Good.”

“Pacey, I…”

He shook his head, pressing a finger to her lips. “It’s okay, Potter. We’re okay.” He let his hand fall away. Swallowing hard, he looked away from her to the picture in the book. “I hope you and he are…really happy.”

She kept her eyes on him. “Bessie said you went home.”

“I did. But there was still something I had to do here.”

“Pacey…”

“Potter.” He closed his eyes and reached up, unhooking his necklace. He let the ring slip off the chain into his hand. “I don’t know how to stop loving you, Joey. But I have to try.”

“No,” she shook her head, feeling tears threaten.

He took her hand and turned it over, placing her wedding ring against her palm. “I love you, Potter.”

The metal was warm from his body. “Pacey…”

He leaned in and kissed her, softly, lingeringly. When he pulled away, he saw the tears in her eyes. “Don’t cry.”

“No?”

He closed her hand around the ring. “No. Because you’re going to be okay.”

Her eyes followed him as he walked out of the room. When he was gone, she slipped a necklace similar to his from under her shirt. Unlatching the clasp, she slid the ring he’d given her on it, closing her eyes as it clinked against his. “So will we, Pacey. Someday.”


End file.
